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  • Josh Bolton

Interview with Eric Almeida

Updated: Apr 7

So, would you Is there anything in particular you want to talk about? kind of thing? Um, we got up, we can go with it a lot of different options, depending where you want to go. Okay, um, if, because you mentioned your podcasts having more of a business orientation to it, right? It will it's for some reason, it's easier to pitch to a CEO to come on than it is to a normal person. Haha, I hear you. Okay, so if. So we can go down the route where I've, where I just kind of talk about, like, how I got into it and my personal experience with EFT and what it is and how it works. I'm totally listen to that. Yeah, we can do that story. Or if you want to have some questions that are aimed specifically, that I can answer for me that are specific to people in the business world, I can do that too. But we can kind of, yeah, just point me in whatever direction you want to go. And I'll go I want to know, general direction for you. So I could be like, Alright, we're going down here. guy before me. Just like he was super, like, we're only doing this and I'm like, I can't work with that. I'm very, I'm much more flexible. So right. The the worst case scenario for me is if you asked me a question that I haven't, I don't have like immediately in the front of my head that you might just get a few moments of me pondering it. So I rather have that than at least a genuine reply. So let's get into it. So Eric, you are a he? of God. I'm going to put your EF T. Correct. EFT practitioner? Yes. All right. So explain it. What is that? Sure. So I'm Erica maida. I am an EFT practitioner that stands for Emotional Freedom Technique practitioner. Okay, so the Emotional Freedom Technique is a tech is a mental health technique in which you're tapping on acupressure points on the body in order to help calm the fight flight and freeze response that we all naturally experience in order to deal with traumatic memories and experiences and self limiting beliefs. So the way that this works is that when you're tapping on the points on the body, as Josh can see me doing now, yeah, and the listeners might hear the tapping. There's 10 acupressure points on the body that my clients would tap on there, they're affiliated with the the, the the meridians of the body, that's part of Chinese medicine, right? When you're tapping on those points, it helps calm down the fight, fight and freeze response that we all naturally have. So that's the response that you have, if you're driving on the highway, and a cars merge starts merging into your lane, you're just out of the way, it's the same response you have, if you're going for a hike, there's a snake on the path and you jump backwards, we need that response to survive. Yeah. But when it comes to traumatic memories, that system gets activated. Again, if we haven't experienced that we are in actual danger or perceived danger. That same system gets activated. And our minds Hold on. If we don't process that experience in the moment entirely. If we suppress it on some capacity over it was very extreme. Our minds hold on to that information and that, and then emotional charge as a as a way to protect us in the same way it protects us from the car protects us from the snake, it also protects us from the memory. So perfect example, let's say you did something embarrassing in the past. And you really think about that event that you did something embarrassing. Your heart might start racing, you might you might go pale, or maybe you'll start blushing, your hands might get sweaty. That is that same fight fight and freeze response being activated, but to a memory. And so what ends up happening is those memories that have emotion still tied to them. And being activated with something in the present happens that reminds us of them. And that reminder isn't necessarily conscious. It's usually subconscious. So if you have a boss, who says something that's unpleasant to you, but that somehow reminds you of maybe your, your, your father, your reaction is going to have all of that extra charge of all this old stuff from your dad on top of what you'd actually be reacting if everything wasn't if you didn't have that stuff from the past. So the goal with EFT is you start with that surface level issue of the tapping on the points. It helps calm down that firefight and freeze response. It helps calm you down in the present. And what ends up happening is that those memories that are tied to that contemporary issue start coming to the surface. And as the practitioner I help guide clients through that process, and then we start doing work on those past memories with the goal of clearing out the emotional charge to them. And once the emotional charge is cleared out, the memory no longer kind of adds fuel to a present issue. It's like that old scripts kind of dissolves away. And the great thing ends up happening is that not only does Are you not plagued by that past memory, you're not having that same level of reaction to the present. So the boss who says something that's upsetting, you'll be upset, just based on that not having all the extra crap firm that your boss reminding of your dad, for example, right? That you break that connection there? And how would that tie into deeper of the emotions like, Is it the, what you're feeling in the moment, or with the tapping, you go from there. So the way that would work is that a lot of times, for a lot of us, especially for Americans, we don't feel our emotions 100%, we tend to suppress parts of them, or we only feel the stronger of the emotions. So if you had, you know, if you had going back with the you doing something embarrassing memory, you know, the primary thing you might be experiencing with that memory might be, so it might be shame, or it might be anxiety, depending on the situation for the individual person. So you start with whatever is the strongest emotion that's being presented by the client, and you bring that down, and then you'll, you may discover that there are other emotions there, but they weren't as strong as the top one. So, you know, let's go with a little. So a little bit more of a practical example. So let's say going with an embarrassing memory, once again, let's say you were giving a presentation in class when you know, middle school or something like that. And once someone in one of the students make some joke at your expense in the class laughs and then you feel really embarrassed by what happened during your presentation. So the initial the initial emotion may be embarrassment, and maybe shame that that happened to you. But after you tap that down, you may also be feeling anger towards the person who did that. But that might not be the primary emotion that you might be feeling. It's very specific to the individual and what they experienced. And it's very, very common when I'm working with my clients on their past memories. That veil as they start processing, the strongest emotion, other parts of the memory will become more prevalent to them, they'll remember things that they didn't remember before, or they might feel other emotions, they didn't realize were also there that they were just buried under the strongest emotion. And it's very common for that to happen where the person's like, Oh, my God, like I remember, you know, this detail or that detail. And like, you know, not only was I really embarrassed, I was really pissed off. And then I was also ashamed. And I was also scared. And like, all those things slowly start coming to the surface as you're peeling back the layers of that particular memory for them. Right. And then, within all the different layers, there's also the complexity of the, oh, I've been suppressing sadness, but it's like, but sadness is rooted in my grief kind of thing from my grandmother passing kind of thing. Yes, yes. So there are five primary emotions and now I have to actually remember all of them off the top of my head. So it is, it is it is shame, anger, fear, anxiety and happiness. So actually, I say sadness. Sadness is one of them. If I might, I might have maybe six. It's five. And I think I think anxiety is an extension of a different ones. I apologize for confusing that. So grief would be an extension of sadness. Rage would be an extension of anger. self loathing would be an extension of shame. Glee would be an extension of happiness. So you have like the five primary emotions and then all every other emotion under the sun is just an extension out of that. What you know whether it makes it a little bit lighter or a little bit heavier. And so the goal with when you're processing the memories is to, to go through all four of the negative emotions. Happiness is fine positives, positive memories are all good. You don't have to do anything there. Those are the memories we want to keep and we want to have Yeah, accessible. But the negative emotions are the ones you want to let go of and the negative emotions are the ones that continue to haunt you in the present. Like like you were saying with grief, that can certainly haunt a person and is one of those people are not willing to accept situation like that. I was talking to this sort of while ago with someone it's people to say it's Oh, it's all Buddhist hooey. But meditation is very powerful. Yes, I totally agree. I meditate myself as often as I can. Classical disposition or just sitting is flow disposition with your legs crossed? fingers like that. Yeah. I couldn't figure that out. I'm not flexible enough for that. Yeah, I just I just crossed legs, I have my fingers like, like my middle fingers touching. Like, I'm pitching something. Yep, I'm not moving my hands, I just kind of do that. And I just kind of I'm sitting on the ground, I usually light a candle just to kind of get myself in that kind of mindset. Okay. And know, meditation is very, very important. or some form of self reflection is important. Meditation is one of the many fashion many ways you can go with it. Some people like to journal some people like going for walks in nature, just outside like, especially for Americans. We are so used to just going, going going, and always going to the next thing, doing the next thing doing the next thing. We don't stop and kind of like process enough. Yeah. And so we need to do that. If we don't do that, and we kind of push that stuff down. It will come back to haunt us. You know, that's okay, come back in our dreams, it can come back in us having reactions that are overblown compared to something that's happening today. You know, the classic, you know, all the classic Freudian Freudian defense mechanisms that pop up, you know, displacement, and sublimation and all of those in denial and all that kind of stuff. That's all because we're not processing the emotions live. And a lot of times it can be because they're just too intense. And so our ability to suppress is necessary. Because if if, God forbid, knock on wood, you got into a car accident. You don't want to be processing Oh my God, I got into a car accident you want to be I need to get the hell out of this car. To make sure I'm alive. So like, so the suppression part we need that it's we need that for survival. But then you do need to like process the fact Holy shit, I like I'm out and I'm safe. But holy crap. That's that scared me. You know, I'm trauma. I'm traumatized by that, you know, I'm injured by that potentially. Or I hurt someone else. There might be guilt. There might be anger, there might be, you know, sadness and fear like so. Us suppressing things isn't the is needed for you for us to live our lives, but we can't suppress everything. And definitely, now we only have so much mental vitality. Yeah. Speaking of car crash, I actually did get in a pretty bad one. And that was it was intense. It was like snap decision in the moment. I'm like, I noticed the lady was in front of me. I thought it was a yellow light. I could run it kind of thing. It's California. It's like 60 jello, it's still green kind of thing. Amelie turn red, she's in there. And I like I knew for that half a second. I'm like, I either go straight and I killed this woman or I aim for the back of the car kind of thing. And luckily that day she did not bring her baby because that's where I would have hit. Oh my god. That's rough. That's it was an after this is after it was insurance in the police report kind of thing. But it was just that snap moment where as I was freaking but then I was like, No, I have to go for the back of the car kind of thing. Yeah, your instincts took over and your desire to save yourself and other people took over as well. But now not to dive too much into this but like did you feel uneasy driving after? Oh my god, yeah, any light that it turned from green to yellow, my fog Tasha and I just hit as hard as I could. So that that reaction to you now having to slam your brakes on a yellow for that not to happen again. That is left over emotion from that experience that hasn't been processed 100% because you now slamming your brakes whenever there's a yellow light is an overreaction to that. And so that is something that EFT could help process and let that part go. Oh, yeah. And it kind of did it indirectly. I wasn't tapping my mom does this by the way all the time. She She mostly does the color. Oh, your mother is a tapper. That's awesome. That's so cool. Not many people know of it. So that's great. Yeah, I grew up with this stuff. We used to tell the joke she was like tap her forehead when and hear your collarbone and really Oh, you're stressing me out kind of thing. So no, so your mom is totally right. So yes, so very quickly for the listener so that the 10 points are top of the head, eyebrow at the bridge of the nose, side of the eye under the eye, upper lip, lower lip, collarbone, under the arm, interest side of the hand, and you can tap on all 10 of them. That's typically what I do in session, but apart you can tap on a single Point and it does help still. So for for your mom, if she's getting stressed out by you or your siblings or just life, if the collarbone is her, some people have like a point they prefer. The collarbone could be the one that she just happens to like, or might be the easiest one for her to tap on. It doesn't look like a weird he's just weird. Like, you're scratching your neck kind of thing? Yes, exactly. Yeah, there. Oh, you know, having done tapping now for a couple of years, I have certainly learned ways to tap incognito in public. Yeah, still, like if I'm like standing back when we could stand in lines at things. She had to be like, forever ago, I know, almost a year, it's frightening. Like, there were plenty of times where like, if I'm frustrated by the person in front of me in line at like a coffee shop or something, I'd cross my arms, and I tap under my arms, but no one would notice because I could just be crossed. Or, you know, if I'm in the office, and I'm at a meeting, and I'm just irritated by something, you know, my hands are underneath the table. And I would tap this out of my hand. No, are they in my interest? No. And but see ya. You know, you can even be really clever and like, you know, you're talking to someone, they're pissing you off, and you can just like rub your chin, I need to do that I have a co worker that really pisses me off. I said the brief 10 times kind of thing. And I've really helped to, yes, the brief Yes, the controlled breathing is certainly helpful, you know, the, you know, six seconds and six seconds out, or just 10, deep breaths, whatever breathing technique works for you also very helpful. But with the tapping with the points, the nice thing is you can tap or you can simply touch or apply pressure, you don't actually have to tap. If you need to be more incognito sometimes, somehow to tap, the actual act of tapping may be uncomfortable for someone at that point is particularly sensitive. Or for a person who's had a physical injury, the point might not be, it might be painful to actually tap on it. So you can just, you can just, you know, be touching it or just apply slight pressure to it. And that works too. And you can be very incognito about you'd be you'd be rubbing the side of your temple a little bit or under your eye. And this looks like you're rubbing your eye and it just like in your head, it's like this coworker is a pain in the ass. I wish they I wish they would just shut up. So yeah, that's literally it. So you were talking earlier about the grief and the five emotions? So how would someone let's say they made a terrible mistake, like a childhood trauma where they like, they were young, dumb, and etc. But now that they're older, they're reflecting on it. They're like, how do I get rid of this? Kind of Sure. So if a person already knows of something from their past that they want to work on, they have that level of clarity, they've already they've already done a good chunk of the work. Okay, so you know, yeah, cuz I'll have clients who come in, and they'll say, and they'll be it'll, they won't have that level of clarity yet, they'll say, you know, I'm feeling anxious. And I don't know why I'm feeling depressed. I don't know why I'm just angry all the time. I don't know why. Or I feel miserable. I don't know why. And that's where you have to start at the surface and try to discover those memories. But in that particular instance, we would dive straight into that particular memory. So the person's like, you know, you know, when, you know, when I was 12, I did this really shitty thing to my sister. And I'm really not happy that I did it, and it still bothers me today. And so we would, we would, we would tap on that. So we would, you know, we would do the setup phrase, you'd start at the side of the hand, you know, even though I did the shitty thing to my sister, or like to love and accept myself, we repeat that three times, and then we would tap on all the points. And then what I would do as the practitioner is based on some of the information they gave me about what happened, I would repeat those details back to them as we're tapping through the points. So you know, I did this shitty thing to my sister, the client would repeat that, you know, then we go to the next point, you know, I'm not, I'm not proud of what I did. The next point, you know, I really wish I didn't do it the next point, and then I would use my intuition and try to, like, try to sense based on what they said, and also my own intuition and try to like, in a weird way, almost put words in their mouth to see if it's putting words and yeah, and what and what I say to my clients as well is that if anything I say that I'm asking you to repeat during a tapping round, if it doesn't click for you just change it to what does. Because sometimes that kind of thing. Exactly. Like my words are not what's important. It's if you're if it's what if it's, you're connecting to it, right. And so, and so a lot of times, you know, it'll be, you know, they'll they'll change words around, they'll be more specific or that you know, or they might, they might be harsher on them, they might be more harsh than what I was saying, because that's what they truly feel. And then what I tend to do is I'll mirror it back. So they changed one of my one of the phrases I provide to them during the tapping round. The next point I tend to repeat exactly what they said. It's a way that builds rapport between me and the client. also reinforces what they said, of like, yeah, like, you know, you know, like, if they were, you know, if I, if if I say, you know, I'm really, I really I'm really ashamed of what I did to my sister and their response back is I feel like a dick for what I did to my sister, I would spend the next point be like, I feel like a dick for what I did for my sister, because their own words are going to ring truer than mind. And so, we would continue to do that tapping on that particular memory. And we would just keep flushing it out until the person no longer has an emotional charge to it. And the way that we gauge that is typically, or gauge any emotional response, whether it's a memory, or just a feeling, is typically I'll have them you know, sitting wherever they are, you know, I tell them, you know, put your feet firmly on the floor, close your eyes, if you'd like, take some nice deep breaths. And think about, you know, the emotion that you're feeling. And or think about the memory that we've been talking about. And on a scale of zero to 10, zero being you feel no emotion to it at all. And 10 being you're completely overcome with emotion. What are you feeling right now, and there's no wrong answer to that. I say to them, just go with your instinct. And they'll just throw a number up. Or for some people who don't like numbers, they'll say, it's really high, or kinda, and I'll just whatever it is, and I'll make a note of that. And we'll do the tapping a couple rounds, you know, when things come up, we do tapping on those specific details. And then typically, near the end of the session, I'll check back in on that particular memory and be like, okay, you know, close your eyes, again, feet on the ground, take some deep breaths, you know, based on what you were feeling in the beginning of the session, or that particular memory, how strong does it feel now, after we've done a couple of rounds of tapping, and 90% of the time, it would have gone down, some of the time it may actually have gone up, which is fine energy movement is energy movement, and then a very rare amount of time, it may not move at all. And so the goal is obviously to go down, and the goal is to hit get to zero, if it goes up, it just means something else. Something else has been sparked, you know, maybe it was partially suppressed. And then now that we worked on it more, they've, they've allowed themselves to feel more emotion. So they may have been like, oh, the thing with my sister was a five, but then after we tap on it, and like all that anxiety and shame or whatever comes up, and then I assess again, they're like, now it's an eight, because now either more activated, that's normal, and that's part of the process, and that's okay. And then if if nothing happens, it could mean a variety of things. It could mean, you know, maybe the original number wasn't accurate, but and now it is accurate to whatever they're saying it could mean that they that we haven't landed exactly on the thing about what's affecting them, how it's how it's affecting them. So that sometimes can happen, especially when it's someone's coming in. And there's they're truly unlike, they're coming in with more generic emotion. And it's in, it's kind of harder for them to like, kind of let themselves feel what's going on and dig back. And that's fine. And we just, we just keep tapping away until things start moving around. Yeah, and there's a variety of other methods for when someone's kind of stuck to kind of get things moving. And, yeah, it'll it'll really kind of depends on the client. And the big thing that I say to, to people who are interested or to potential clients is, you know, I'm not pulling anything out of person. It's what naturally comes up and wants to be dealt with our minds, intentionally don't want us to feel trauma. That's why we suppress those things. It doesn't want us to feel these negative emotions. But when you're doing the tapping, it's calming that fear response down. And then your mind is more willing to let stuff bubble up. And typically what ends up happening, as I'm working with a client, and long in the long term, the lighter issues come to the surface first a lot of the times, and then we clear those out. And then their mind is like, Oh, that's gone. How about this, here's this other thing that comes up. We work on that. And that goes away. And they're like, Oh, that's great. It's gone, too. And then this next thing comes up, and it's a little bit worse than the last one. And then we process it. This is all subconscious, right? And then that gets processed. And then the subconscious is like, Oh, well, how about this horrible, nasty, gross, vile, rotten thing. We've been suppressing this for a decade, plus, I think now you can deal with us. And that's when like, you know, a lot of time something big could potentially come up later on. And but you tap it down, you work on it, you process it, and it goes away. All the while the person's mental vitality is continuing to grow. All the while they're seeing benefits in their everyday life, whether it's subtle or profound. I've had I have had clients who I've had clients who in a single session, were able to overcome a miscarriage. That was unique on me that was unique, mainly because I had spoken to this, this woman, immediately right after it had happened, so it didn't have time for it to like, linger. It was very fresh. And I just wanted to do it. Yeah, you always want to process when it's live, you want to process when it's fresh, because when you suppress it for too long, it festers and it it, it plants roots into your psyche, and starts messing with your head, I want to say so, there's a couple old like childhood traumas, but it's one of those, I've also come to the conclusion that it's, it's rooted in me, it's unlike unless I'm going to go digging for it. It's either I live with it, or I try to dig it out, but then say, what else am I going to find kind of thing? And that's Yes, and that is an incredibly common reason why people don't seek mental health, because they don't, some part of them is resistant towards digging up the past. Because they may either some part of the main know that it's gonna suck to do it. And I'm not saying you know, they're, you know, this, you know, any form of mental health practice doing that kind of self work. There's gonna be times where it's gonna suck, just like, but it's just like going to the gym. It sucks to do it, but then you're always happier at the end of it. So absolutely. Yeah, it always Yeah, it's just kind of how that goes. And so, you know, in that particular instance, you're right. I don't know what a person may find. I don't know what's there. They may not know what's there, or maybe they do and they don't want to find it. Again. It's a it's a childhood Boogeyman just leave it alone. Yes. But here's the thing, but here's the thing. The Boogey Man, you can vanquish the boogeyman, you don't have to live with that there all the time. What's the best way for a little kid to get over the boogeyman, you have them look under their bed, you have them look in look in the closet, you have them look in their toy chest, and then they see there really isn't anything there. And right the same thing with with your own past. When you take when you choose to look at your trauma head on. It may be scary, and may not be unpleasant. And they may bring up old emotions temporarily. But it also makes you braver, it also makes you more resilient. bravery isn't doing something without fear. bravery is doing something with fear and doing it anyway. Absolutely doing it despite. And so. And that's the thing I say to my clients all the time, it's I will be there with you the whole time. If we if we come across the boogeyman, if we come across jack the Ripper in your mind, we will take care of it together, you're not going into it alone. And your mind is not going to give you anything you're not ready to deal with. You're not you're not your mind's not going to go straight to the worst part of your past unless it feels that you're ready for it. So like I said, you usually start with lighter things until you start realizing that you can handle the smaller things you don't go straight to a 50 pound weight. You start with the five pound weight or the one pound weight depending where you are. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. There's not lowly build up to it. I used to lift all the time and when I got a trainer, just to make me feel like crap because I could lift a lot like 50 pounds is nothing to me. He's like, Alright, here's two pounds, and we're gonna do asymmetrical you're holding it here, then you're lifting this one at each arm. And then when you're done, you're doing both. I never thought two pounds could kick my ass that hard till afterwards and I'm like, okay, no more I'm done. And that's and that's very, very true. It's the the mental version of that is you may have a love a person may have a certain level of mental strength to one specific part of life. But they may have an almost no strength to something else. And that's what that exercise you were describing. It's that's the different that's, you know that, that that that standard that that stabilizing arm thing, I am not Isaiah Turner, as you can hear the isometric hold. You're talking about stabilizer muscles, you're also talking about keeping it pure and steady. That's rough that's really rough when you're not used to that. And the same thing with the mind a person could. A nurse or a doctor may have built the stamina to be able to handle someone who has had a limb ripped off of their body and they can handle it without a problem but God forbid They see a chipmunk get hit by a car they can go into hysterics. And it's like, every person's got their strength and then they have the things that it it's just a it's it's not a weakness, it just hits them harder. It's just it's just there isn't the calluses there necessarily from life or from experience and so, you know, some people might just be really you know, you know human Carnage, it's fine animal Carnage, absolutely not like the table off the table. It's true, you can see it, you know, even with personal preference, when it comes to media, some people could be perfectly fine watching a nature document, a document area, where you know, the lion is ripping apart the gazelle. But God forbid, you haven't watched like a medical show even a bit annoying, it's fake, they might hurt you like it's every person's got their got their different strengths and their and their different things that just rubbed them the wrong way. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone's just everyone's got their thing. Yeah, there's, there's what, like 7 billion of us on this earth, or 7 billion different points of view of how things should be done. 100% 100%. And even though we have a lot of similarities amongst us all, it's the combinations of different things. And, you know, and this and that, like you, you know, you can have two siblings, you can you can have twins, you can go that identical. Both of them experienced the same kind of trauma. And they could react in different ways, even though same upbringing, same DNA, same everything. But it could just have a different a different reaction. And that's fine. It just kind of how it goes. Yeah. And a big thing, too, is, you know, I am using the word trauma. And a lot of people when they think trauma, they might think like horrible, horrible abuse or sexual assault and things like that. I'm using the word trauma. And when I describe the things that I help people heal on a much grander kind of level of Yes. of like, anything from your past that still has an emotion tied to it was a some kind of quote unquote, trauma. It may have been perceptually a light trauma, per se, but that the light or heavy that that's all irrelevant, it's like for you, it still bothers you. And for you, it has affected you. And we it's it's a trauma, it's a memory with emotion tied to it that you can be like, Oh, you know, and there's nothing wrong with that. So like, you know, like the same example, like I hypothetical I gave about the kid, you know, giving the presentation to someone heckling them in class, and one person that could happen, they could get embarrassed and then never, they never lingers. Or another person can develop a completely fear of public speaking as a result. That was me. Yeah, that was me. No, ditto. Ditto. I used to hate public speaking, it used to scare the EverLiving shit out of me. I used to get sick for like a week plus in advance to public speaking things you would think of every possibility that could go wrong. Yes, exactly. And so so for me, because I you know, I've done a lot of self work for me that that fuel of emotion was coming from the fact that I was severely bullied when I was a kid. And so, I learned very young that it was dangerous for me to express who I was. So putting myself in front of a group of people to be judged, was way too dangerous. I, so I grew up, I grew up in California. There's was a very Hispanic school I went to and I was the only white kid in the 90s. So this is before PC and thinking of everyone's emotions kind of thing, which now I totally like you. Yeah. But this is also when like, trophies were like the participation trophies involved. And I remember back then, like, there were these two kids off to hand I don't want to make it seem like a racist name, but let's call them like Jose and Armando. Okay. They came up to me and they were bullying me. But then we did the participation like game and I won. I like it was like dodgeball. That was like my jam. I could like, you say, I got you kind of thing. But they got 12 plays, and they were happy. So I decided to hackle them because they heckled me. And it was I think it was one of those I didn't realize it. I was doing a feedback loop to myself kind of thing. Yes, potentially. Yes. So do you How old were you? Everyone was like fourth or fifth grade? Okay, so that would make you nine or 10. So, yes. So kids at that age, that the pre puberty and then the early days of puberty. Those are kids. Those are human beings at their worst. Yes. And it is. It's awesome. You're totally right. It is, you know, you know enough. And you're and the hormones are starting up. So that's making you more everything aggressive or angry or horny or whatever the hell it is. And so but you also have almost no social conscience, socially, social conscience, that's frontal lobe work. Our frontal lobe isn't finished developing to over 25. Right. So so there's a reason why I there's, I have yet to come across a human being. I'm sure that some of your listeners might be out there. And you're like, Oh, that's, that's me. I have yet to come across a human being who says that middle school and the early days of high school were a good time. It's a shit show. What are they asking of? Oh, yes, exactly. It's typically an absolute shit show for us all. And it's because what you just did back to them was happened to you, but you learned it from them. And like I said, it hurt. Like, it's like, oh, this is what I do. This is what we're supposed to do. I'm supposed to make fun of them. Because they sucked in this thing. Just like they made fun of me because I sucked at this thing or whatever the hell it was. Right? Exactly. Yeah, the same exact thing happens. And so but yeah, it you know, you that is something that if it's, if you're thinking about it still and it might be still bothering you, that would be something that you could tap on and get that emotion tethered away. Okay, yeah. Let's just one of those. I was more physical back in the 90s. So they would actually like kick you and punch you kind of thing. Now that God nothing would go you can't you can't even look at a fly without getting a detention kind of thing. Yeah, but we've overcorrected. A bit there. Yes. But I remember back in junior high, you talking about the shit show apart. My teeth are not the straightest. And I've always known it kind of thing I my teeth grew in too quick. And they like offset. So a junior high though everyone being little shits that they are, they rip me apart about that, as is still the biggest subconscious of mine, like fear that someone's gonna judge me. But recently, as I've talked to people, they're like, yeah, it's a little offset. But it's not like you're missing anything. I'm like, Oh, it's like, just as we talk, I realized I'm like, oh, maybe that was just like, I also made it worse kind of thing. Well, it's. So we hear this a lot. For many people. We are we are our own worst critics. And that particular way I say, my own worst enemy? Oh, yeah. And a lot of ways. And so in that particular instance, the other kids around you at that impressionable age, put that idea in your head, that there is something wrong with this part of me, there's something wrong with my teeth. And then you, hypothetically, I'm not gonna make assumptions for you. But hypothetically, that has been you, some part of you, it was absorbed that into who you are, as absorbed into your psyche, as there just is something wrong with my teeth, and that people judge me for it. And then it starts kind of its it starts growing roots out of that. And then it start, you know, it starts turning into things where, you know, you won't smile, like maybe you don't smile with teeth, and you know, I don't picture. Yep, yep. It may even affect the way that you talk as well. Because you might try to, you might try to talk in a way where your person can't, I'm trying to do that. Now, I realized, at least for talking, I need to open up more. So what I would say is that if you were my client, and that was something you wanted to work on, we would go straight towards those memories. And we would see what's coming up, we would see what specifically about that experience effectively, we would basically get you to say out loud, the things that you're saying in your head, whether you're conscious of it or not regarding your teeth, right, and then with the tapping, we would let that go. And then assuming that is the only memory tied to your concern over the way your teeth look. No. Because I was also third or fourth grade is when they had me do the they had ADHD pack and I still do but I've learned to control it. But in 90s they had no idea what to do with it like oh you're you're bipolar because you're selling happiness, that kind of thing. Oh boy, that's a rough. That's a rough mess up there. Geez. Yeah. So I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and anxiety and I was on these terrible meds but I had to go through a Gambit. To get to where I was I finally got off that stuff. But one of them was like a sort of a D and A made me gain like 80 pounds in six months, but I thought it was me I was the problem kind of thing. And that's one of my teeth was still straight. Then when my teeth started growing and crooked, I was like, Oh, it's me, it's just I'm the problem. I'm the monster kind of thing. Which is a horribly unfortunate thing that happened to you, that was completely out of your control, right? Because it was the meds. And, and here's the thing. So for you specifically, and thank you for being very open, considering you're telling me a relative stranger and your audience, all of us, I appreciate that. And don't don't feel like you have to share things you don't feel comfortable sharing up to your whole audience. But so for you, you have a sound, you have an immense amount of cognitive insight as to your past, which is great. That's a huge that's a that's a lot of a lot of progress, which is fantastic. The last step would be the emotional part, which would be perfect example, I could tell you right now, I want you to give your reaction to the statement I'm about I'm about to say, Okay, well, just just your gut reaction. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your teeth. Bullshit. That's the that's the part of you that if T can help get away, that's that is your that is your that old script that was the old emotions, who are never going to believe anything else. You the belief of that your teeth that something is wrong with your teeth, is part of it. That's a self limiting belief. You've you've incorporate that as part of who you are as a person. I Josh have bad teeth. And so with EFT, we would tap on that beliefs. And, and we could we can dissolve it away. And then we would replace and then you'd replace it with Mike either a little cricket and it doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah. Now the big deal, like no one or you know, or no one cares. No, I think it's more the, I thought at first everyone cared. But I'm starting to it's like that I'm in that gray point where I realized no one actually really cares. As long as you're not like a true hillbilly where you're missing teeth kind of thing. That no one really cares kind of thing. So it's literally, I'm reading this book, Thinking Fast and Slow. And that's what's really been, it's about psychology, the mind trauma and priming and non priming. Very cool. He he goes into, like, how I'm gonna write that down. Yeah, it's what can you do. But one of them he talks about is priming. So he's like, if you're, he's like, it's proven. If you prime someone about money, they're selfish. And they're more isolated. explain that a little tiny bit more. So I understand. So his premise is like, they were doing a group project. And they they all had to put chairs out, but instead of like a normal person who wasn't shown money, like indirectly, I don't know why, but I just have money on my wallpaper kind of thing. Okay. So if they didn't see that as they're filling out the form, they didn't see the money. They were let's say instead of the the money primary ones were 160 feet apart us not feet 660 inches apart, compared to the nonprime were like 60 inches apart. Okay, so the Okay, so for whatever reason, people being exposed to money, for whatever reason makes them more selfish. And they were they would they would in a subliminally expose a person to some form of currency, to kind of turn that knob on the counter or like a picture of money on the forum kind of thing. Yep. As a subtle way to see how it affects how they react in a group scenario. That's really interesting. And yeah, the primary and then he was talking about the one before the money was how he had a group of kids come in and they gave him a sense, let's say like, the color is like yellow Florida house. We're gonna like write three different words that will you think they're like old people retirement and whatever? Yeah. But then he said when they send them down the hallway, the ones who said old people retirement whatever. They watch slow like an old person. That's interesting. That subconscious effect, but they didn't realize they were doing until he pointed out afterwards. That's so interesting. That's really that's very fascinating, huh? Yeah, it's, that's so so interesting. The, the thing that's coming into my head that's comparable to that would be Have you ever have you ever seen a little kid like a really young kid? little a little like toddler, okay, and they Maybe they fall down or they hurt themselves, right? And they look to their parents to see how they should react. And if their parents freak out, then they start crying. And if their parents are like, everything's fine. The kid may not cry. You see it, that's that's kind of what it reminds me of. It's like, it's like, this thing happened. And they were like, What do I do? What do I do? And like, if the parents freaking out the kids like, and the parent just kind of like, you're fine. And he's like, okay, and yeah, and then they're like, and then you just get back up like armor keep playing. It's all good. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's really interesting. That's very interesting. Yeah, it's one of those I actually bought the audiobook now, so I can listen to it, because it's got, it's like 700 pages. It's gonna take me a while to get through the whole paper version. But I realized that because like, like your example, for the moons, as I was a kid I was playing, but my parents would be like, Oh, you know, scrap, let's like, get away with hydrogen peroxide, but then never freak out. So like, I was helping a buddy. And where I'm standing away and a nail came, I my hand hit a nail, and I completely impaled my finger kind of thing. funniest thing, because of the previous priming with my parents, I was just like, Okay, I get some hydrogen peroxide kind of thing. My buddies just freaking out like Jesus Christ, you're bleeding everywhere. Give it about three days, I'll be healed up. No, it's, it's that same, it's that same exact thing. And, you know, we, you know, we do absorb, when we are growing up, we do absorb those kinds of things from our caregivers, or particularly, typically, our parents, or whoever's teaching us when we're growing up. So we learn very quickly, you know, what is the proper response to, to an injury? Is it freaking out? Or is it being more nonchalant about it? You know, what is the you know, what is the response to, you know, to being angry, we learned, you know, part of it is genetic. And part of it is, you know, we in the nature nurture thing, we also learn it too. So like, if you have a parent, who, when they get angry, they scream, it's gonna make you more prone to scream, because that's how you think you deal with anger. Right? You know, if you have a parent who they deal with anger, let's go with like, the most positive response to anger, I guess. It's not much for anger. They're really yeah. If they get, the way that they get angry is that they say, this is my guess, would be the, I'm not sure if you called the best response, but it would be certainly a positive one. Let's say they get angry. And what they do is like, they say, in the moment, they're like, I need him, I need a minute, just to take a break and take a breath and walk away. And I would say that is, even if it's like a more socially acceptable for anger is like the I don't want to snap your neck right now. Just let me go. Yes. And that would be something that, you know, the children would be, they would learn that as well. It's like, okay, when I get angry, I should ask to just I should walk away, and be alone, and then just let it pass. You know, you know, and that's, you know, part like I said, part of that is genetic. And part of that are things that we learn by what we witness. And so, especially, like, it's also the big thing that you hear all the time with child development. You know, once the kids go into school, the parents start losing a lot of influence, because the number of hours of input they're getting from their peers start to outweigh the hours that they're getting input from their parents anymore. So I actually had a conversation with my, one of my friends will coworkers. So, in a good, I'm gonna just put a quick disclaimer, I have nothing against the LGBTQ community, but his daughter's thinking of transitioning to a man. Okey doke. I was like a power to her. But he's like, I don't want to be that asshole to stop her. I'm like, Blake, she's also a minor kind of thing. Like she, she's not fully developed. And I feel so much for parents right now when it comes to that. It is. So I'm part of the LGBTQ plus community to alphabet soup. Obviously, I don't have a gay guy. But like, so. I don't have an answer for that. Right, unfortunately. Well, and that's where I told him I'm like, again, it's nothing against them. But they're cuz she watches YouTube, religiously, but whatever recommends, I said, get nothing against them, but they're very active. They know they algorithm you like you comment, and the algorithm will push it. So Mike, Navy should start wondering what the hell she watches kind of thing. That's certainly something to take into consideration. How old is the kid 12 Last I heard so it would be 13 now I mean, I didn't really rough. I'll say I didn't have good life decisions even back then. It's like, it's like seeing a 13 year old kid get a tattoo. I know it's very different, but it is similar life consequences kind of thing. Yes, it's I Oh, God. Oh, is if I put you on a podium Oh, sorry. No, no, no, it's okay. It's it's a it's certainly a third. It's certainly a third rail right now, when it comes to politics. And I'm, Fuck, I'm just gonna jump right on it, go for it. Um, so I obviously also do support the transgender community, I'm gonna preface that even though I'm gonna get butchered for this, whatever I say no, I'm still small. So don't worry about it. Hey, once it's out in the world, someone will find someone somewhere? Well, so here's, here's the thing. Here's the thing. The there are there are transgender people. It is a thing. It's been around for all of humanity. And the transgender community does is does warrant the support from their family and from the medical community, to to make those choices and to transition when it is warranted. A 12 year old person may have the ability to begin to grasp that component of themselves. But to to, in my personal opinion, and at the end of the day, as a parent, you do as you wish, but I would still be very cautious. My personal opinion, I would be cautious about doing anything that is irreversible. Yes. And something that isn't said enough, is that hormone blockers are not without cost, even for a fully developed human to Yes. So, you know, there there are there is a consequence to giving hormone blockers to someone who is at the earliest stages of puberty. It can cause things like infertility. I'm not sure what effect it could cause infertility for men it for biological men and women. I don't know I'm not enough of a medical expert on that one to give an answer. Someone somewhere will correct us. Yeah, as they're screaming and wanting to burn yourself down to the ground. And so if I, if I was a parent of a child who was going through this, I would I Oh my God, I don't want kids. I don't want to deal with this kind of thing. So it's so complicated. Because even right, it's one of those because here, let me let me go with it. Let me say something, okay. Let me say this. If a 12 year old child came up to you, and said, I'm gonna go with your example, and said, Hey, Mom, Hey, Dad, I want to get a tattoo of butterflies because I think they're cute, and I want to get it on my arm. As a parent, you have a normal level of skepticism of you're a little young. And that's, and maybe, maybe wait and see if we tell you like 16 or 18 Well, you got a better i'd graduate want to do a better idea. So and here's the thing. Do you want to you know, do you want to put a temporary tattoo of a butterfly in your arm? I'm happy to do that. Do you want to do some henna tattoos on your arm? If that? Sure. So that's fine. So like, permanent ink though? Yes. And you growing so your skin would stretch out kind of thing. So we wouldn't be like yeah, yes. Yes, exactly. So going back to the transgender thing I would say I would set you know as the if I was a parent or if I was guiding a parent and a child with this I would I would obviously always have encouraged the parents to be supportive of the child in general right? But still maintain a level of skepticism sounds wrong, it is a level of kind of grounding child ground Thank you grounding that as much a better a better term where just have the child slowly you know, slowly embrace where they think they are with this process for them right? Even if it's just changing outfit from fruit dresses to more khakis and like sure or you know, or maybe you know, or if they were born a boy let them grow their hair out and things like that. Like let them dabble. Yeah. Yeah, let them dabble in things where if They realize as they grow older, it wasn't the case, then they could easily revert back. Right? Or if they get older and they realize you know what, like, it this is this is definitely legit. I, I felt this way when I was 12. I felt this way when I was 14, I felt this way when I was 16. I still feel this way at 18. I still feel this way at 20. So let's be Let's wait 22 blah, blah, blah. At the end of the day, they've had that whole time they had parents who were like, you know, we support you and what's going on? We're just, we're not letting you jump straight into a mega era of changeable decision. Yes, reversible. Sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, irreversible decisions, because that's the thing. You know, hormone blockers come with a cost. top surgery comes with a cost, you know, you're talking a cost to fertility or, you know, once you remove a natural component that someone was born with, it ain't coming back. You could you could put it in for a woman who's got had top surgery, if they decide they want to revert back to being a woman, if they're no longer a trans man. Yes, they can get breast implants. It's not going to be their natural breasts there God. Right. So there is a cost, there is a cost of that it's, you know, as a gay man, it's, it's, it's very different. Because it's a different game. Because for as if when you're experimenting with your sexuality, you can do things. You can perform actions, and then see if it clicks for you. But you're not making a permanent change per se. Like, yes, you can only have sex with someone, you only have sex, your first sexual partner is always going to be your first sexual partner. So there is something that is on reversible, per se. Yeah. But like you're, you know, you're not making biological changes, per se. Yeah, no, not not when it comes to being Yeah. So that's, that's, that is different. So you know, if you don't if you don't know if you're gay, or straight, or bi, or poly or pansexual, and there's so many of them now, I don't know them all at all. I don't either. And I feel like a jerk. But it's like, that's so much shit to remember. It's I go with the philosophy of just do your own thing. And just just don't get mad at me for being ignorant. If I don't know something, it's not me insulting you. It's just I don't know. Right? So like, you know, it's, it's something that I have learned, you know, I'm 35 years old. It's something that I've learned as a gay person. As a gay man. I have learned over time to distinguish between a person who is ignorant, and a person who is hateful. There's a clear difference. There's a very clear difference, and you learn that difference. But when you're younger, all of it hurts. Oh, yeah. So there were so that it's understandable that people tend to be a little more sensitive when they're younger, as was I. And so, but now I've learned that like, I'll give you a real example. On my honeymoon, okay, my husband, we went to Vegas, we get into the cab to have to drive to the hotel. And the cab driver was just typical, chit chatty conversation and was like, oh, what brings you to Vegas? And I'm like, and I was like, oh, for our honeymoon. His very next question is obviously, guys, right. And his very next question. Oh, so who's, who's the husband who's the wife? And that is that is an inappropriate question to ask a gay person. Yes, I know that one. Yes. Now, the way he asked it was, was ignorance. It wasn't hateful. Right? It was just the way he asked he asked it with genuine curiosity. And so I responded sternly, but not like I didn't rip his head off. I responded stern lamb was like, that is a very inappropriate question to ask a gay couple. And I said, I recommend you never ask that again. To anyone. It's just not it's just not appropriate. And he was like, Okay, I'm sorry. And then we just went on talking. And then now my husband kind of laugh at it like and it just it was just a funny thing. The first thing that happened was that and so we got out first Yeah, but that was it was ignorance. And that's the thing ignorant if something you know, if something like like you know, I've worked in I'm going to step on the third rail again. If I you know, I've worked in hospitality for and customer service for a long time before I became an owner doesn't matter who you are, is just a brutal, it's a rough industry. And there were plenty of times, you know, I have a slightly lighter voice. I don't have a deep Boys. And so I wouldn't consider myself deep and manly though. Like, is that weird in between? Yeah, what I hear is not what other people hear. And so blah, blah, blah. And so for me, it sounds normal. But when I hear my own voice, I'm like, oh, it is a little lighter than I would think it was. But anyway, there are times. So my name is Eric. And I'm giving my normal little spiel when I'm picking up the phone at the hotel. Sometimes I would talk so fast, cuz I had to do the stupid spiel so many times. Yeah, you would think and my voice being a little bit lighter. I had plenty of time to read. Like, you'd be like, Oh, hi, Erica, can you I like to book a reservation? And it's like, whatever. Like, yeah, I was misgendered. And it's like, they, who cares? Yeah, it is what it is. It's not a big deal. But I also get it in regard to the transgender community, where some people could be doing that to be hateful once again, compared to ignorance. But then also some people when they're still in the beginning phase of, you know, that, that their own coming out in that regard as being transgendered, and then going through that transition, that could be very sore for them, because it's still it's so raw, right? As a guy like you to get through it. Yes. And I get that too. As a gay person. I get that too. When, you know, when I was first coming out as a gay man, I came out when I was 21, which is a little bit on the later end of the spectrum for our generation. We're about the same age, roughly, I would guess, I think we are I think you're the higher end and the middle. I was born in 85. You 90 to 90, okay, so Potato Potato close enough. We're, yeah, we're both I'm an older millennial, you're a solid millennial, you're not a Zoomer? So you're 92 No, no, no, we wouldn't have been in high school together, but we've been closed off. And so often the train of thought, do to do no. So like, in the early days of me coming out, when people were saying, like, in my parents, particularly when they were saying things that were ignorant to the gay world. My reaction would be full of fire and vitriol because it was still so raw, right? And so it's like, same kind of thing. Like you, it gets you. You learn the ignorance verse, the hatred with time. And then and then as you become more comfortable being who you are, whatever that is, regardless, it doesn't, it doesn't affect you as much either, because you just do this kind of like, yeah, misgendered me, that person thought I was straight like that. I've I've made mistakes with gay people, too. I've thought gay people were straight before. And I just roll with it. It just it just happens. I get, you know, one of my old bosses was talking about he had, you know, he had, like, you know, like, he had three kids. And I'm like, well, you, you know, that's it. That's, you know, you want to have a really big family like, Oh, my husband, I'm like, okay, that's cool. Like, that's it. Like, I don't have now I just met this person. I don't ask them. You know, who you're thinking? Yeah, come on. Like, it's just, it just happens, you know. And that's, that's the thing, just to step on the third row that other time, like, there are less gay people in the world, and there are straight people straight really is truly the most common thing. The same thing with transgender people. You know, there, there are more cisgender people in the world, then there are transgender people by a lot. It's not like men and women where it's at 5050. It's like, like, gay people you're talking about, I think it's like, roughly 6% of the population is gay, or somewhere in that realm. Something I like, it's like one or two less, I thought it was more a half a percent. It's a tiny amount. It's a very small amount. And so think about it. If, if, if, if you're used to seeing horses, and all of a sudden a unicorn shows up to go with the gay thing, or a zebra shows up, you might call the zebra the unicorn is that like, Oh, that's I've never seen a horse like that. It's like, how dare you with a unicorn? And it's like, I've never seen one before. How would I know? That's a unicorn, right? I don't know, it looks like a horse. So like, like I said, ignorance versus hatred. It's like, you got to draw that line there. And it's in social media makes it very hard to draw that line. It does. It's all it's all text. The same word could be the same sentence can be set in so many different ways. It's all about tone. That's why I prefer calling or sending voice clips to people because you can understand the tone I was going for. Yes, yes. No. 100% 100% It's, you get you get inflection through voice. You know, brilliant. This has been a brilliant conversation, but I have actually a podcast and we're really tapping into the other one. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, I would have loved to go like two hours with you. But it's like I got one more. We got to do this again later on. Hell yeah. Assuming we don't get canceled. I don't know, we touched on. There's a guy in Australia and we touched on a lot of stuff, 5g, anti vaxxers aliens. So those can be a fun conversation. They were also cancelable potentially, but in a different way. We kind of were just like, screw it. Let's see what happens. All right, Eric, anything you want to tell the audience before we head out? Absolutely, um, if anyone is if you're cool with this, hopefully, and I really cut this part out. If anyone is interested in giving EFT a try, I'm happy to offer $30 off their first session with me off of my website. That's Eric That's Eric with AC. Just use the promo code Bolton for Josh's podcast a and to get that $30 off. Awesome. And now we'll talk a little bit and I'll email you for your links. It'll all be down below.

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